Are You Being Heard or Dismissed?
The other day I had box jumps programmed for the first time since breaking my leg. If you’re new here, in February I broke my tibia and fibula while demonstrating a lateral box jump (definitely more advanced than your usual box jump). After I explained that we were going to be jumping, my client said, “I’m going to be honest, I’m a little afraid to do this considering…(gestures towards me)”. My response, “To be honest, i’m nervous too”. Even looking at the videos when I was choosing the exercise made me squirm a little bit. I explained that it’s completely ok for us to be scared about doing this exercise and that we could be nervous and brave together. In the end, she was jumping just fine over a single 45lb plate as the box and told me in the end that last year she couldn’t jump off the ground at all!
So why am I sharing this? Because I believe that creating a culture of openness and honesty is perhaps the most important part of any client/trainer relationship. Instead of making this person feel like they were being overdramatic, I empathized and explained how we were going to be safe. In the end, she was successful at the box jump and WE were able to feel more confident about that particular exercise. But besides that, we were able to strengthen our relationship through trust and communication.
Feeling safe to tell your trainer what you do and don’t like, what does and doesn’t feel good, or what your goals are regardless of where you are starting should be a guarantee. Unfortunately, for a lot of folks this is not the case and they are often “forced” to do exercises they don’t enjoy or are told to “suck it up”. Here’s another great example: I was on the phone with a potential new client. During the conversation she mentioned that she had spoken to a couple of other trainers and the last one told her that whether she liked cardio exercises or not, she would be doing it if she worked with him. He completely dismissed what she does and doesn’t enjoy. This might not sound like that big a deal. You might be thinking that they just weren’t a good fit for each other. But this isn’t about the fact that they weren’t a good fit, this is about how easily clients wants/needs are dismissed by professionals who should want to help anyone find joy in movement.
While I could go on and on about previous experiences from all of my clients, another that sticks out happened just yesterday. I had programmed assisted pull ups for a client who saw a different personal trainer for years before coming to me. Knowing her relationship to that previous space and trainer, I asked her how she felt about pull ups in general. Her face told me everything I needed to know, but she didn’t want to admit at first that she did not like them. As a matter a fact, she tried to convince herself that it would be fine and she would do them if that’s what I wanted. She forgot, our sessions aren’t about me, they are about her. We don’t have to specifically do pull ups for her to strengthen her back and shoulders and be able to pull herself up if needed. And while some of her apprehension around pull ups is being caused by bias towards this other place, it doesn’t matter. My job is not to force people to do things that I think are best. My job is to create a space where people feel safe to move in ways that bring them joy and to communicate their wants/needs (on top of how to do things safely!). In the end, I told her that I don’t force anyone to do things but, I also explained why they can be a good thing. In the end the pull ups were scrapped!
Ok, so here’s the caveat. You may not love every exercise you do with a trainer. Some are going to push you out of your comfort zone, some are going to “hurt” more than others, some are going to be more “fun” than others. But, the overall moral of the story is, if you hate doing something and you don’t feel comfortable telling your trainer, or you’ve expressed a concern and it was dismissed, it may be time for different trainer. Find someone who will listen and adjust, who won’t pressure you or talk down to you and who makes you feel safe to be yourself.
